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08.26.10 get some context »“Oh my God, Glenn (Beck’s) chalkboard is going to kill him!”
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04.26.10 get some context »“Believe me (Jay Leno) got everything he deserved.”
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04.20.10 get some context »“They say the only way to stop an erupting volcano is to throw a virgin into it, and if that’s true I nominate Justin Beiber.”
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04.20.10 get some context »“There’s a new comic book coming out about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s life. In the comic, Arnold battles his lifelong nemesis – words.”
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04.20.10 get some context »“I know that I criticize (Bernie Goldberg) and FOX News a lot, but only because you’re truly a terrible, cynical, disingenuous news organization.”
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04.14.10 get some context »“Somewhere along the line, 20 or 30 years ago, the left in this country moved to the center and the right moved into a mental hospital. I said they were just a bunch of religious lunatics, flat earthers and civil war reenactors, but that’s actually kind of true.”
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04.14.10 get some context »
“I don’t know what qualifications you need to have to be a presidential figure, but I would think it has to be something more than just a facebook page. I don’t know why (the mainstream media) takes (Sarah Palin) so seriously, because she’s is a manifestly unserious person.”
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04.12.10 get some context »“O’Brien and Lopez together for two hours. We will own the Catholic audience.”
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03.30.10 get some context »
“The person leading the (lesbian bondage) outing, who told (Eric) Brown that he would be reimbursed was none other than Allison Meyers, the head of the RNC’s Young Eagles Program, a program that I am probably more inclined to join now than I ever have been in my life.”
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03.30.10 get some context »“(The Tea Party) is still a loose amalgam of forces.”
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“(Dr. Martin Luther King) hasn’t been carved in stone yet, so to me at least, he’s more of a man and less than a monument and maybe that’s why I can relate to him a little more than the giant Abraham Lincoln.”
08.26.10
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“If we want to cut off funding for the terror mosque, we must, together as a nation, stop watching FOX (NEWS). It’s the only way.”
08.25.10
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“There are some super angry, crazy Jews who are going to come after you guys with a sharpened mezuzah. They cut off the tips of their own penis, imagine what they’ll do to yours.”
08.24.10
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“There is a growing perception that not only is President (Obama) baffled by the economy, but also that he lines up against most of the people on significant issues.”
08.20.10
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“Beck unveiled his Mount Rushmore of 1960’s civil rights icons. One person doing God’s work was Beck’s FOX News Channel boss (Roger Ailes)?”
07.15.10
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“This is a threat that we share (with Pakistan). We have a common enemy. There is no time to waste in going after that common enemy as hard and fast as we can and we cannot tolerate having people encouraged, directed, trained and sent from Pakistan to attack us.”
05.09.10
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“I got very depressed at times. It was like a marriage breaking up so suddenly, violently, quickly and I was just trying to figure out what happened. “
05.02.10
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“When you give your money to a bank, what they do with it is anything they want and if they lose it, perhaps gambling on bigger, dumber banks, they replenish the money you originally gave them with more of your money.”
04.27.10
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“Wait a minute, Jay. You (and Conan) both got screwed but you’re the one who ended up with a show. How did you get screwed?”
04.26.10
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“Here we are 17 months after someone broke into our house in effect, robbed us and we still haven’t even changed the locks on the doors, so we need to get it done.”
04.25.10
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“The German airline Luftshansa said it plans to resume some flights. Apparently there are so many Germans in France right now, the French government reflexively surrendered.”
04.20.10
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“A new study found that children should actually be exposed to things that are dirty, since it makes them more immune to asthma. Maybe Kate Gosselin should let Jon take the kids.”
04.20.10
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“You get the sense that had Jim Cramer been around in 1912, he’d be like, ‘you’re not going to hear this from anyone else, but my sources tell me the Titanic has the best buffet on the high seas, take it to the bank, and by the way, if you want to get to the dock faster, try the Hindenburg.’”
04.19.10
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“The older I get, the more I begin to believe the essence of life is how well you can BS yourself, never mind anybody else.”
04.19.10
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